I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
