what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
