it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
