Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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