I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Randomize
