k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
