Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
