I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
where am i from again
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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