i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
