Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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