remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Is Oprah even human
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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