That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
you win again, gameday.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
