So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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