Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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