All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
