I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Randomize
