i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
