I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
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