Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Randomize
