I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Girls should come with a carfax report
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
