So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
