Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
as a side note pls kill me
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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