We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Randomize
