i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
