I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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