even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
