alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
