If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
do herpes really smell.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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