She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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