Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
