Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
