i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
