my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
