i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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