But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
her vagine was all disorganized.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
