i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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