Four minutes until I can fart!
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
there is glitter all over my balls
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
