I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
