An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
