my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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