you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
