Redeem this text for a blowjob
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
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