so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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