I smell stomach acid.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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