There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
It's rum buckets o'clock
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
