How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
