is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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