I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
