he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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