We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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