sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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