The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
